As I was on the back of my xe om on my way home, I was struck with the realization of how to verbalize the odd feeling that has been plaguing me a lot lately. When I first got here, I felt it almost immediately, and it manifested itself in the thought, "My parents won't like it here." Every time I've moved somewhere (i.e., Chicago, Paris, and now here), my parents plan to visit me, and when I thought of that I felt uncomfortable. And I didn't know how to explain that discomfort, or why exactly I felt it.
(Note: Mom and Dad, I know you're reading this, which is cool. It just felt like an idea that I'd share with everyone.)
When I moved to Paris, I was (obviously) a foreigner. And I felt like one in some big or small way the whole time; I cannot fully escape my American perspective--that is to say, my unique perspective on life that is colored by the fact that I have grown up in somewhere that is not France, and I did not expect to. But in Paris I felt more and more at home; Speaking the language and, let's face it, looking like everyone else helped me feel like I could blend in and belong.
Here, I am constantly reminded that I am different. And I know that I've only been here a month, and that I should not be making hasty judgments, but this is more like an observation, and it is one that has been confirmed by every foreigner that I've met here who has been here much longer than I have. In this city, I get the distinct feeling that I will always be a foreigner. I don't look like everyone else, I don't speak the language, and I come from a culture that is a fixation for many of the people here. The result is that I get yelled at (not negatively, just "Hello! Where you from?" or "Motorbike?") and stared at and spoken to by random people, and that anyone selling anything will automatically hike up the price for me. The people I see from day to day recognize me and remember me because I am a foreigner, because I am that blond girl who buys coffee every day or who bought noodles just once.
Now, I'm not saying this is a tremendously bad thing, and it's something that I'm sure I will get used to (or not, and I'll deal). This experience will mold me like all others have into a different person than I am now, which is something I welcome. But it is not for everyone.
I've run out of steam on this for right now. It may be a subject that I'll return to.
About Me
- Arielle
- Just out of college, have my first real job in the book world, and it happens to be in Vietnam. Making the most of this experience, and seeing where it takes me.
3 comments:
Interesting. I've never been to a place where I looked completely different--but the idea of it seems exciting, in the abstract. I'll have to see if I feel excited in reality. How much different is it from being, say, the only person of one gender among a group of the other?
Hi Arielle,
I've applied for the same positon in Parkstone! I'm a French publishing student and well, we'll see how the interview goes but I'll be really glad to know more about the company and stuff so if you could contact me that would be great!! and this is my personal email : axas05@hotmail.com
Thx, Amandine
Hey there Arielle -
I've never been in exactly that situation, but I can definitely see where you're coming from. My sister went to Tanzania for a semester when she was in college, and a lot of the time she was the only white person that the people had ever seen. I feel for you and hope that you are finding your time there enjoyable, even if you do have this feeling!
LOVE!
Post a Comment